Author: Kim Godby Driver Guide

NZ Techo Magazine, Spring 2023

They breed girls different in the South. These females remember gumboots and the smell of a farm ute long before pretty heels and catching a whiff of Christian Dior. However, Laura King might just be an anomaly. She can crack a whip or birth a calf while sporting a exquisite, messy ponytail, and then turn around with the most perfect mascara, and a foundation of flawless skin. Laura grew up in Balfour. I too grew up in Southland, in the mud and grass (still allergic to grass btw), but I did not give a rat’s behind about looking good, and learning about makeup. I constantly wore my red bush shirt that went solid from the elements and being worn every day for 3 years. (I think townies wear bushshirts these days and they are called Swandri now?) My complexion was windburn, my hair unwashed, greasy and flat. I can confirm this new fad of “don’t wash your hair, it’s bad for it” is nonsense. So I do not understand how Laura became so good at being ‘girlie’ while also driving her tractor in the sludge and silage. I wonder how Laura became interested in makeup? I remember people wearing makeup being considered a bit ‘uppity’ where I lived, and when I say people, I mean when women wore it, heaven forbid a male would wear makeup, and have both ears pierced, well… My father and his mates would often comment about Mrs Sherriff being ‘all done up’ in the shearing shed. Let’s all agree that that particular perception can be left in 1980’s, Western Southland, and that is a whole other article.

Laura and I do share a couple of things in common though. We love driving trucks and riding motorbikes, living in Queenstown, and the crazy world of film and television. Laura and I met driving taxis in Queenstown. We were constantly amused by the antics of the locals as we drove them around, but picking up people who had never been here was the most satisfying. Firstly, Laura is an excellent driver that puts you at ease, but she is also able to respond to a high energy state with a relaxed and considered vibe. It’s the same when Laura has cast members in her make up chair. She has a relaxed energy that makes them feel calm and taken care of. Laura also doesn’t do anything without full contemplation. When she started to design ‘Ewe Beauty’ the makeup and costume truck, she took everything she had learned from working on so many sets and took her time to get it right. It has a large, working space with 4 to 5 makeup stations, a hair washing station, large sink with washer and dryer, lockable costume rails throughout, and more. This truck is finished to a high standard and fit for a star.

After Laura and I stopped driving taxis, we would see each other most often in a swing van. We were both truck drivers and would do different day jobs while waiting for a production manager to ring. We drove everything, including dump trucks and Laura spent a few seasons weed spraying. I love the idea that this qualified beauty therapist would drive around the district in an old ute and sprayer, casually killing gorse, and then the next day she would be preparing a bride for her big day. Our first jobs in the film world were as swing drivers, but Laura had already started her own wedding and event make up business, MakeMeUp. She also started to be hired as an makeup assistant on TVCs. Laura always wanted to get into the makeup department and the benefit of living here in Queenstown is we do not get pigeonholed into one role. Her name slowly got around to different people and she was pretty good at making sure to introduce herself to helpful HoDs. When I would turn up to a swing, I’d jump into the swing van, and there Laura would be. She was always ready to get involved with whatever was required of her. When we arrived on set, to hurry up and wait, it was always funny when us girls would be assigned to the small vehicles and campers, while the boys would be put in the trucks.

Laura and I got into the world of film at an interesting time. There is an perceivable shift occurring in the industry. I have heard the stories from women, (from not that long ago) referring to being talked down to, or intimidated by male crew members. It made their work impossible to do well and compromised the next job. This is not something Laura and I have dealt with that often since 2016. Things are changing. The crews we work with are conscious of the sea change and male colleagues will callout behaviour that is not acceptable. There is a way to go however. The pay rate for the female dominated role of Production Manager has not increased at the same rate as the equivalent, male roles. Perhaps the problem stems from system of how production companies bid for jobs? It means budgets are then reduced at the bottom end. This in turn, effects the usually female oriented roles in Production: Co-ordinators, Runners etc, or assistant roles in Makeup and Costume. These rates have not increased with inflation and the rise in living costs in New Zealand.

Laura’s commitment and investment in ‘Ewe Beauty’ is impressive. She is a young, dedicated woman doing something bold. She saw an increased need for more specialised film vehicles, especially in the south island, and she has built ‘Ewe Beauty’ to the highest quality, incorporating all her knowledge and experience from being on set. This southern girl can now offer her own complete makeup package. So, as she gets more and more successful, I’ll keep trudging through the paperwork, grass and mud in Locations and wait for the call to go and swing ‘Ewe Beauty’ back to base.

www.makemeup.co.nz

NZ Techo Magazine, Winter 2023

Central Otago has been inundated with shoots lately. These are for the popular, tried and true format of reality adventure TV. The plot: ‘Can these people survive in the wild landscape of the South Island of New Zealand?’ We’re seeing ‘Tracked’ ‘The Summit’, Ultimate Escape’, ‘Who Dares Wins’, etc all hitting the ground, and our screens, this winter. These types of shows are continuing to come in to shoot over the next few months too. I hope Karl has enough good crew to keep up with all the Unit bookings he must be juggling?!

It’s great that our own landscape and backyard are in vogue with these shows. These shoots have their issues though. The ‘reality’ of shooting quickly, in a quickly changing environment can be a surprise to overseas crew. So I think it is crucial to hire locals to the area. We have been stuck in floods, driven in the dark on single lane roads, put chains on, towed a tourist out of a bog, and used a water table to slow down on the mountain. We have also all loaned our extra waterproof clothing to an unsuspecting member of production. I am low on the film making totem pole, but I know where the handtowels that fit Arne’s portaloos are purchased, or that Raj, not only has film tape, but also releasable zipties. This stuff is crucial to a panicking crew member back at base. (Damn it, don’t tell anyone my sources! But message Raj for details of his inventory)

I have to say, I love the chaos of working on these shows. However, there is a particular mind set required to cope with them. There is a huge amount of prep and logistics, and you do not know details until the last minute. It is daunting to everyone involved, but even if these shows could be perfectly prepped, they have a life of their own that is different to a ‘normal’ shoot. They have huge crews that balloon as more issues suddenly appear.

“What do you mean there is no driver for this contestant, get one NOW!” Panic ensues.

Communication gets very tricky too. Call Sheets be damned. Not everyone has been told of the change in plans that were decided at 0030 this morning. (Kylie and Bonnie, you better tune in your psychic powers in that production office.) There is the big one too, maybe the biggest issue of all when you are in the middle of nowhere, “Why isn’t the Starlink working?! Oh, we’re f**ked!!”.

You can try all you like to be pro- active, have all he gear, maybe enough time, prepped everything, have enough bodies, but we all know we have to react to change, and really in the end ‘wing it’. This is not everyone’s favourite way of working. So my question to you all is… ‘Reality TV’, how do you all feel about working in this particular genre? I often get a negative response from crew when I ask them what they are up

to: “Oh, this bloody reality thing”, or “Well, not much good stuff coming, so I’ll do this reality job”. I am a big reality TV watcher (available for pub quizzes). I am very happy you all make these shows for me and the rest of us plebs. But do you like the finished product?

Anyway, this is being written from my period of convalescence. I had to leave one of the shows early for a stupid operation. I am missing out on the drama and mayhem this time, but I hope I get to see a little bit of it on the show itself. A big shout out goes to Mandy Horan, she loves solving the puzzles these reality shows create for themselves. She is amazing, but she’ll be counting down the days till her holiday. The greatest thing about our work is these incredible people we engage with, even those crew members we might otherwise want to ziptie (see Raj) on the naughty step. They are all part of the crazy film waters we love to be in, but maybe, especially, when we get swept into a reality whirlpool.

NZ Techo Magazine, Spring 2022

So a quieter July and August has led to the busiest September ever. Of the many jobs I was asked about I managed the timing well enough for three. It’s good to be in demand but if there is nothing in October I may have to stand in the worksite that is downtown Queenstown, in my hi vis, and sell parking spots. It’s great to see the local crew all gainfully employed and loving it though. Here are a few notable mentions from the last little while.

Badly Behaved Babes and Alice Englert’s directorial debut shot a few scenes in her childhood second home around Glenorchy. There she is in the leading role, doing her own stunts, and remaining completely approachable and with a smile for everyone. She’s a one to watch alright. The weather played a little havoc but the crew was ever resourceful and ready.

Larchmont continue their Michael Hill series of TVCs https://youtu.be/D9gy2SKyvzw. I’m really enjoying what they come up with, great story lines and it looks fantastic. The Art Dept again, are knocking it out of the park on these commercials. The snow scene in Arrowtown at 14 degrees is perfect.

Finch’s ‘realestate.co.nz’ TVC is terrific https://youtu.be/Oj3SNjN-e-U. Ms Toa is another young star to look out for. They had an unflappable cast with a second cast waiting in the wings in case of any Covid casualties. Does anyone remember Covid 19? I have a lot of left over RAT tests taking up space in my garage if you need some…. Anyone?

The Beards had some perfect conditions to shoot on the top of the Remarkables at Lake Alta. The directorial team and Agency flew in from Britain and Sweden and were straight in to it. It’s great to see the international TVCs back on their way over here.

Vodafone, or I should say OneNZ, was a great job. The filming of an installation, instead of a cast was a new experience for me. It was interesting to manage movement and light around lengthy timelapse phases. The installation crew of Unique Creative were diligent and what they built was absolute quality. The leds were definitely noticed by the locals on Frankton Rd at 0500, and it was fun to cause a stir on Queenstown Trading before a woman complaining about the Volunteer Fire Brigade airhorn stole the limelight. Big props go to the editor, Luke, on this job. We shot extensive footage for over a week, and Luke had to have the final product ready for the live launch and distribution on the last evening of the shoot. Thanks to producer, Mark Foster for being an unfillable sponge and the ultimate problem solver. He may need a sleep in next week.

The ‘Untitled Documentary’ (Dir. Stacey Lee) produced by Fish came in for some moody shots in the region. It is an interesting expose into a complex issue. Keep a look out for it. Motion Sickness were in for a few days and sought some daybreak and sunset vistas in the region. They struck some great locations and dancing light for their upcoming product launch for Scapegrace.

Sweetooth came back for their next season. Location Manager, Toby Mills had it all under control from the top of the Snow Farm at 4am, over the one way bridge in Clyde, to the appeasement of Milford Rd bus drivers. Big crew, several locations and a lot to fit in to a small amount of time. Well done crew!

So there we have it, a lot going on in the beginning of spring in Queenstown. The Sherwood was inundated with filmy types. They may need a wee break. When you come down, please keep in mind Queenstown is not what it was pre March 2020. It’s very hard to find a table on a Sunday, Monday, or Tuesday in town and everything is taking a little longer than it used to. We still don’t have enough workers in hospitality and it doesn’t look like it’s getting better any time soon. Be patient and remember how awesome our jobs are.

Kim Godby Queenstown.

NZ Techo Magazine, Winter 2022

Winter has come and Queenstown is ready for the influx. Well, apart from no staff, no parking, too many stalled roadworks, and the increasingly paralysing cost of living. But the film biz has been constant since January with several TV shows being shot simultaneously. I had the privilege to work on both ‘Under the Vines’ (S2) and ‘One Lane Bridge’ (S3). It’s been great to see the proof that we can pull off multiple shoots at the same time. Everybody does know how to pool resources and communicate to make it work together.

‘Under the Vines’ was a delight to work on, from the locals smiling away as we took over Clyde, to the cast and crew relaxing in the shade from the Central Otago sunshine. A lot of the team had worked together last season and us newcomers had a lot of support to slot in and help make this a productive shoot. We had a little preview party and it looks gorgeous. The Art and Lighting Depts have really hit the mark and this whole story has come to life again, even more beautifully. It’s a great little light entertainment show where the cast have immersed themselves so completely. There were a couple of snags to untangle along the way but producers, Michelle Turner and Paul Yates were very approachable and ready to roll with the punches. Toby Mills stepped in on Locations again from season one and did a great job with the new locations as well as the established ones. Henry Youngman was absolutely at home in his on-set Locations role, and as is often the case, the Costume Dept were perfect playmates for all of us, both on and off set. The production was ready for any Covid related contingency but we were lucky enough to have minimal impact from the disease. I think that was another benefit to being outside in the beautiful Central Otago air for six weeks. 

To Mt Soho now, and the team on ‘Masterchef ‘ have told me that the producers were hugely impressed with the final product and the flexibility and talent of the local expertise. Queenstown was a star both as a location and as the provider of an experienced and knowledgeable crew.

Tourism NZ shot another ad throughout the country, culminating in an exquisitely moody Milford Sound moment. Production manager, Jane McCurdy once again managed about 4 different roles along with co-ordinating private flights to swiftly move the creative team all over the countryside. This shoot is hopefully a pre-game that signals the return of commercials to the area. It will be interesting to see the commercial shoots coming back to Queenstown in what could be deemed a post TVC world. 

A big clap of “Well Done Team!” to the ‘One Lane Bridge’ production and crew. There were many huddles, emergency meetings, juggling/un-juggling and “ Right, we can make this work” affirmations as the shoot went by. Pip Hall had constant challenges from the beginning with story rewrites and cast changes, there was also Covid to test her ability to constantly re-create and in the end, a snowstorm to contend with. Producers, Lisa Chatfield and Luke Robinson were there to make it all happen and enabled a supportive culture from the top down. There were a lot of returning local crew that know well the ebb and flow of making this show in our challenging environment and they were constantly able to bring the story to the camera. The cast too always delivered- Dom and Phoebe, your constant humour and easy way of being was appreciated by everyone, every day on set. 

Lastly, Covid fatigue is real. I swung a truck to Auckland in May and noticed the lack of mask wearing in the supercity compared to the southern cities. Auckland bore the brunt of last year’s lockdown. Our Covid response, our economy and our geography attributed to the loss of the big shows in the city. The extended lockdown, and more people now recovered from the virus, has left a palpable Let’s-get-on-with-it vibe in the city. You did a good job though- it bought us time and allowed us a less volatile strain of Covid 19 to learn to live with. Auckland is a resilient town with a huge amount of talented crew and infrastructure to make the next opportunities work. 

Anyway, I will wrap up this wrap on the last day of my self isolation. Yep, I tested Covid positive last week. Good timing really though, I’m ready for action.

NZ Techo Magazine, Spring, 2020.

Queenstown is not what it was but there are a few jobs coming through this spring. Yay! Sweetshop’s TNZ ‘Message to the World’ kept a few of us paying the bills and it’s nice to see Kiwis being captured so naturally and beautifully in the finished article. It’s a great line up of locals’ just doing their thing with some familiar faces and “Woof Woofs!”. 

Curious had some extra challenges completing their commercial. The Director was working remotely from LA, so the Techies were impressive maintaining the link in some pretty isolated spots. It was interesting to see Agency and Client on their own Zoom and Skype monitors chatting away. Most of them yawning in the middle of their hot nights while we were all shading our eyes in the end of winter glare and wearing 6 layers. A smaller on set presence is noticeable and it works in a different way that we all are getting used to. On the 2nd last day of shooting the call came over the airwaves there was Covid 19 community transmission and Auckland was going back into level 3, the rest of the country to level 2. Curious were to finish shooting down here in Queenstown and head back to Auckland to end the shoot but that was impossible as all productions were on pause. Queenstown’s incredible Jane McCurdy and the local production crew re-jigged the schedule, found some alternative locations to fulfill the brief and pulled it all together. Curious were able to complete the shoot and eat a good amount of fresh oysters and Blue Cod from down south to celebrate. 

Good Oil  has been down shooting in the recent, variable spring weather too, while an interesting shoot is happening north of Wanaka for the next couple of weeks- Nude Tuesday. It seems like a really interesting idea that will appeal to a wide international market. So the upshot is, our calendar is looking nice and full compared to the previous months! 

It’s a new world with a constantly changing landscape both professionally and personally planet-wide. Covid 19 has allowed us time to evaluate what is good for our futures and let’s be honest, we needed to reassess our priorities and how we treat each other. Amongst the Covid 19 crisis we might forget the sea-change that is occurring in the film industry. It has recently had to face up to inherent sexism and racist bias with the #metoo movement, Black Lives Matter etc. NZ is not immune. Women in the NZ workplace, and on set, still have to think about what may cause an issue or encourage unwanted attention. Sure, men may too, but not to the same extent. Females grow up considering threat minimisation and how to not create a problem for themselves… don’t be too risqué in your speech, don’t wear that top…don’t be too sensitive… It’s an endless ‘don’t’ list. The average kiwi male won’t wake up considering these matters as much. In recent years I’ve noticed most males on set are more consciously supporting their female counterparts and are actively recognising and curbing behaviour before it is perceived as a threat. But women still may miss out on the next job because someone is working on it they became uncomfortable with, or they may be on set and avoid getting involved in certain conversations. Who hasn’t heard the disclaimer “I was only joking and she was fine with it at the time.” Maybe she wasn’t? The difference in her mind may have been the perception of threat. All crews- let’s be present, let’s be considerate. 

Published in the NZ Techo Magazine, Winter, 2020.

1300hrs, 20/3/2020: “Everyone, pull over and read your email.” We all looked at each other, “Shit”. 

We had spent the morning, out of reception, on the final location recce. It had been extraordinary. The weather was bright, the locations were spectacular, and the crew had started to connect in that way that only really happens on set. We had all been together, on the top of a mountain, in our own 150 person bubble for a week. The real world was about to pop it like bubblegum on a cheerleader. 

Five days before THE email, the production company scrambled to get all cast and crew into the country before NZ closed its borders. It was incredible to watch the efforts of these people to make it all happen with 24 hours notice. As a driver, you are ancillary to a lot of proceedings and it does allow a singular perspective. There was a palpable anticipation and anxiety at the airport. The cast were enthused, chatting to each other over Patagonia coffee. The crew from far afield were happy to be in NZ, away from the escalating chaos, and us kiwis were ready for action. A bunch of familiar faces appeared and we were off. The chat was hyped. Colleagues caught up and swapped notes on the last job they had together. We chatted about the beauty in the land around us so I went into Tour Guide mode (my now defunct day job) and told the visitors the story of Matau – the giant beneath Lake Wakatipu. 

We all continued that week watching the Art Department turn a shed into another world, tripped over Runners, dodged Catering and saw the show inevitably unfold. But a look of an impending something started to show on the faces of the Production team. There were huddled murmurings and some watery eyes. But that morning we set off. All the different departments came together with their own individual expertise, and tied everything up in expectation of the shoot. I was driving two of the Production Team. We were playing tunes, singing along and celebrating a job well done.

“With a heavy heart we inform you all that the show has been postponed.”

Grumblings of discontent came over the RTs from our convoy as we all began to realise the gravity of the Covid 19 situation unfolding. We were all now unemployed, and any non-Kiwis faced a huge dilemma to get home. The Production team then scrambled again to look after everyone, move all the equipment back around the country, pack down and get everyone home before the lockdown commenced. I made my way back to Queenstown, thankful to be a kiwi and close to home. But its a different place now. We were on pause for a month and the slow return to whatever is next is strange. From the queues at the supermarket for the welfare vouchers to tenants abandoning flats in the middle of the night, from the ‘redeployment’ of staff, to repatriation flights. It’s an interesting time and a great time to visit, a great time to film – no crowds, lots of crew available and there’s a sprinkling of hope with a certain enthusiasm of a new Queenstown coming through. Hope to see you all here soon. 

If you want to see what Queenstown looked like during Level 4: https://youtu.be/DjRRV9NxkUQ

Pretty sure this time last year I was trying to catch up on several tv shows. I was very busy and the quiet season wasn’t going to happen that May….. this year, I am currently on 5 or 6 new shows and I’m rewatching a bunch of old ones. You may know why….. the world changed in a heartbeat on the 25th of March, 2020. New Zealand went into lockdown because of an unprecedented situation. Queenstown came to a standstill. There are no more visitors, there are no hotels open, there are no cafes or restaurants. Fergburger is silent. There is no tourism. We’re still here though. The locals are having a great time rediscovering their neighbourhoods without sneering at coach drivers and ‘tsking’ at Chinese tour groups. We’re 2 weeks into lockdown and the reality of a tourist town without tourists hasn’t resonated with everyone yet. The ramifications are still a little way off so let’s stay in our bubbles and catch up on all those little house jobs. Go on, paint the roof, tidy the garage, play that video game, get up at 1130 and of course watch a bunch of films!

So to help you out the theme of this blog is:

KIM’S TOP TEN ‘DISEASE OF THE WEEK’ MOVIES

Get your dose of conspiracies, plagues, biohazard suits and freak yourself out at the possibly very short lifespan you could have for a myriad of terrifying reasons. Of course, you know I am a fan of Horror so there is a leaning towards the genre, and for this purpose zombies are also included in the disease/contagion theme. There is also crossover with ‘post apocalyptic’ titles whose origins stem from a strange disease. Honourable mentions in this case are ‘World War Z’, ‘Birdbox’ and ‘A Quiet Place’. I have not put alien based films on the list, even though they invade us- often taking over our bodies and insidiously destroying civilisation too! But they need their own list. Similarly, vampire films are not added. Although ‘vampirism as a disease’ is a theme in many films, I think vampire movies also need their own list. So here we go with my favourite disease movies.

10 ‘Contagion’ 2011- Yes, this was good. The use of ‘real’ celebrities succumbing to the pandemic along with everyday people was refreshing back in 2011. Oh, those heady days when movies weren’t real world commentaries, and wash your hands, Gwynneth. To be honest, any film that ends up with some part of her in a box is worthy.

9 ‘Cabin Fever’ 2002- This is an enjoyable horror with good Eli Roth humour- I love the shaving scene in the bath. Cinematically it harks back to the 1980s horror trope of- group of teenagers-a weekend away to a remote cabin-an unseen threat starts to attack the perky party-they die. But instead of a Freddie or a Michael Myers, a microbe has infected the teens. Will anyone survive???

8 ‘Mom and Dad’ 2017- Surprisingly good. Nicholas Cage only on 170/100 on the Cage Guage. He is brilliant in this odd number which is a dark discourse on parenting and it is gruesome. It doesn’t hold back on the gore. A strange malaise takes over the adults who need to sort out their ungrateful offspring.

7 ‘Cujo’ 1981- Come on, of course it’s a disease movie, and brilliant. The suspense, the claustrophobia, the heat stroke, and to top it all off- Rabies. The dog acting in this is fearful and fantastic. Very good performances from the actors too. Derived from a short story by Steven King it is a testament to good story telling with minimum cast, set limitations and animals.

6 ‘Rec’ 2007- This Spanish, found footage film displays all that is great about ‘foreign’ horror. The American remake- ‘Quarantine’ is not as good. In the film, an apartment block is locked down as a strange ailment takes the residents out. Nice shout out to ‘Cujo’ in this and it adds a demonic, Catholic church cover up to the plot when patient zero is revealed.

5 ‘Children of Men’ 2006- This has one of the most moving final action sequences ever put to film. Very well written and executed- just watch it.

4 ’28 days Later’ 2002- Dark and satisfying. This film is just a cracker. I wouldn’t describe it as a zombie flick. Those with ‘the Rage’ are almost incidental to the decline of humanity portrayed by the un-infected. Is the rest of the world sliding into the dark ages too or is Britain trapped in an all too telling experiment?

3 ’12 Monkeys’ 1995- A both complex and entertaining sci fi. Bruce Willis and Brad Pitt are brilliant. This was one of my favourite films for years. The timey-wimey stuff shows us a disease has destroyed humanity after an outbreak in 1996. Our hero is sent back from 2035 to stop it. His mad ideas land him in a mental institution and he must convince someone the 12 Monkeys need to be stopped. He gets a whole lot wrong and the world was always doomed.

2 ‘And the Band Played On’ 1993- This is a great documentary style film about the origin and discovery of HIV. It is an incredibly riveting example portraying a very realistic response to a very real threat. The excellent use of time lines and medical reaction does not interfere with the very human story underpinning the narrative.

1 ‘Outbreak’ 1995- This film freaked me out for years and I was convinced humanity was doomed to die from some new virus that no one knew was coming, could not be stopped and was incredibly contagious…. However, it did alleviate my fears we were all going to die in a nuclear war (thanks ‘Threads’). It surprised me to learn that I was 24 when I saw it. The impact it had on me was more like something that caused a deep seated, pre teen, post traumatic, paranoid event in my psychological development. It’s just a great, well paced, well acted piece of cinema. Dustin Hoffman is superb.

And the prize for epidemically not worth watching goes to:

‘The Happening’ – Just terrible.

So I hope you enjoyed my little run down of pandemic themed films to while away the time till we all try and rebuild our careers, the economy, and our immune systems.

Be well humans.

This is something I have noticed in my years of working in tourism and hospitality, and this blog has turned into a bit of a rant so I must have been quashing my irritation?!

Recently, I took 2 lovely people hailing from Shanghai to a luxury lodge near the metropolis of Te Anau. It was a last minute booking during the down season.

We walked into the hallway (cue tumble weeds and a whistling wind), finally found the proprietor and were met with:

“Oh. Did you just book online?”

“Yes, sorry, thank you”, answered my sweet client, in pretty good English.

“Well, we’ll put your bags away shall we…”

We had left the luggage at the door while looking for our host. Now, I had pre warned my people that there probably would not be any food available here, and I waited around with them so I could take them the 15 minutes back to the supermarket. This surprised them as they were staying 3 nights at $250 a night. But as someone who grew up near here, I had a pretty good idea of the lay of the land.

“Excuse me, is there any meals?”

“Oh no. Did you not organise anything? There are restaurants in Te Anau but you’ll have to get a taxi. We can probably do you a breakfast tomorrow?

“Oh, yes please. Thank you.”

“What time?”

“I am sorry, I don’t know yet. When does breakfast finish, please?”

“Well, I’ll need you to decide a time because I have to bring in staff….”

Really? These are the only 2 people in the lodge. They are paying a good chunk of your bills for the month and you can’t make a little breakfast for them? Sure, we all get tired of silly questions and tourists, but I get tired of people that just don’t do their job properly. Provincial NZ needs tourism, but they sure don’t want it.

I remember growing up amongst these “reams of farmland” (Richard Reeve, 1996), driving around in a Ford Escort, attaching cassette tapes to road markers, holding the case out the window, and driving off. The tape was left flying heroically in the Southland gales like a linesman’s flag at an All Black’s game (Btw, Pink Floyd’s ‘The Wall’ took ages- so satisfying). We referred to the tourists driving around us, stopping to take photos of sheep and mountains, as ‘Loopys’, and to be a Loopy, you just needed to be from Otago.

Now the years have dropped away like the beach at Orepuki. Tourist numbers have increased exponentially and I say “Bring me more”. I have met so many incredible people that I now call friends all over the world. Queenstown, and by extension, Otago and Southland tourism is thriving. The recent ‘bed tax’ has raised questions about lagging infrastructure, but I think the term ‘over tourism’ is a misnomer. Life in provincial NZ has changed. Godzone is in the international arena. We can hark back to the perceived wonder years when “You could leave your doors unlocked”, “Have your keys in the car while you were in the shop” and “… pay $300 wk rent for a 3 bedroom house”, but I never did this.

I believe us Kiwis need to look after tourists and visitors with the homegrown genuineness we now seem to reserve for ourselves.

I am a big movie and TV fan- you may have noticed… and I love a good political satire. After a fabulous tour to Glenorchy to play Lord of the Rings dress up in the spectacular Paradise forest, I sit down on our mega couch, and settle in for the cold, autumn evening. The tv looks like the Tyco monolith, waiting to impart its universal knowledge into my spongey cortex. I fumble the remote controls and “Bling” there is the fabulous John Oliver in an interview with the ultimate humanitarian and icon of our time- the Dalai Lama. John Oliver’s joy during this meeting is evident on his face. As the interview continues, I cannot help but be impressed with the Dalai Lama’s humour, honest talk and practicality. He describes how his learning has enabled him to take on the suspicion and negativity of others and turn it into “Patience, tolerance and compassion”

……“Bang!…… clomp, clomp, clomp….. Hiyaaaaaaa!

Flatmate is home.

I grunt. She flops onto the couch, iPhone popping and chirping, its luminescent screen lighting her perky little millennial face (I am always impressed by their ability to text with two thumbs, talk, walk and hold 3 conversations online with several different apps simultaneously!). She starts to impart her learnings from the day and tells me about the hilarious Snap Chat “convo” that is currently happening…….. John Oliver raises the topic of the Chinese dominance of Tibet and their discovery of the ‘true’ Panchen Lama.

Increase volume on tv…….

The 14th Dalai Lama replies to this with, “Not using the human brain properly is harmful”

……Giggle, selfie pose, flash!, wooooohp…….. giggle……

Sigh.

The next day we jumped on the bikes and made our way south to the raging metropolis of Invercargill. It is not a favourite destination, but it has become a common target recently due to an aging bunch of relatives and on a more fun note, the fantastic transport and bike museums. It was a spectacular day! Southland normally delivers horizontal hail, Wahine destroying winds and 3rd degree sunburn, but this day, wow….. we were only at risk from overheating at the traffic lights down Dee St. We had come down for the Southland Entertainment Awards. My friend Chris Chilton and his team organised this great evening at the beautiful Civic Theatre. The talent from the performers like Jenny Mitchell, Shannon Cooper Garland, Simon Thompson, Jason Kerrison and many more were mind-blowing. It was not like this when I lived here as a teenager! There were handfuls of great ability but Southland suffered from a very NZ condition- The Tall Poppy Syndrome. If you were in that talented minority you lacked the confidence to stand up against an overwhelming wave of “you are not better than me:”, and this was as relentless as the Antarctic tide eroding Oreti Beach. I sensed none of that on this evening of celebration.

But we had come specifically to see Pretty Wicked Head perform for the first time in 25 years. As Shaun and Vaughan, accompanied by Chris, entered the stage, shouts came from little pockets around the auditorium. They played a medley of 3 great songs and it was fantastic. Pretty Wicked Head were ahead of their time in Invercargill 30 years ago, and probably still are now. Their album was a tonic to me as a teenager in this place. The music was dark, begrudging, surging and powerful, the lyrics were clever, personal, angry and utterly infused with the frustrations of being, and living in the “arsehole of the world” (Mick Jagger/Keith Richards, 1965). Was this night an anomaly, I don’t know, but I hope the new generation living here have developed a little backbone, nouse and an attitude that was lacking here when I was young. Go Millennials and the new generations to come!